~ Revealing the Self
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Truth or Blame
Constance d'Angelis

About the Column:
This column is dedicated to facilitating resolution to conflicts ? spiritual growth through adversity. Conflict can be transformed into success by following your path of Integrity. Blame of oneself or others is a distraction to Integrity. Integrity is the unwavering path to success.

If you would like Constance to answer your question through this publication please send your inquiry to lovinglawsuits@cs.com


Dear Constance,

Last weekend I attended a Landmark Forum. I experienced something I never thought could or would occur. I wrote a letter to my daughter who died 38 years ago. I am sharing it with you and asking that you share it with others, if you want to. This insight has changed my life.

JM ? Toledo, OH

Dear Tracey,

I?m writing this to you for the purpose of transforming my life.

My darling little girl, I have been pretending that you never lived. Pretending that you didn?t experience all the surgeries and pain. Pretending that you never died. I have tried to deny your life and your death. Also trying to deny how it affected me, as your mother. I never knew how to be a mother and I was just a child, myself, when you were born. I have been denying myself all these years, just as I have denied you. Yet, you are always there. I know, because I can feel it.

As I write this, I want to give up. I am crying and pain in my body is excruciating. I have been so far out of my integrity that I didn?t even know that I was lying. I have pretended that I didn?t care and that I didn?t feel guilty and emotionally battered by your being born with such a debilitating birth defect. You endured so much having to go through so many operations as such a little baby. You were all by yourself in a hospital ward. You never had a home with lots of love and affection. You were never able to walk by yourself or to be appreciated for the angel that you are. Then, you died. You were only three. The only redeeming grace was that your suffering was over and the ?Mass of the Angels? seemed to let your soul go into the space where it belonged.

In all these years, I rarely mention you. Yet, I remember how proud you were when you got your braces. And, as I write this, I can see you standing up, for the first time, with your braces holding you up. You wore a pretty white crocheted dress with pink ribbon around the neckline and hem. Your blonde curly hair surrounded your pretty little face. Why was it so horrible, when you are so beautiful?

I have been hiding and running from what happened. I?ve never accepted what happened.

Silently, I?ve blamed myself for your birth, your life and your death. And, I blamed GOD. I have been living in guilt. I have conjured up anger to confront the pain I have been feeling all my adult life. I have been living a lie. I have used the anger to accomplish many things in my life. I have educated myself through a doctorate degree. I have created a professional practice and obtained the awe of many accomplished people. But, the price I?ve paid is overwhelming.

I know I can?t change what has happened. Yet, I feel numb. I have lost my passion for living. I am mad at GOD. I am mad at life.

I have interpreted what happened as suffering and death ? by me ? my fault ? I did it. And, I?ve been punishing myself ever since. All that I have accomplished, all the money I?ve had, all the beauty and love that has been offered to me ? and yet --- I have never felt fulfilled. And, what is even more important now. I have never loved.

As I said before, I can?t change what has happened in the past. But, I can change the future. I can change the story.

As I write this I realize I?m holding my breath. So, I?m taking a deep breath and I?m sighing. My heart is pounding so loudly. I feel hot. I?m so sorry that I?ve looked at your birth, life and death as something so terrible and painful. I?m changing that now.

I fully accept responsibility, without blame, for what happened, my role in it, and the story that I made up about it. I choose to transform my life now. I only know what happened. I can get over the blame, anger, and pain that I attached to it all. What happened?well, it happened. I can?t change it now. But, I can change how I look at it.

I feel you smiling now. And, I?m crying again. We (I) no longer need to suffer. It is possible for me to be fulfilled, to love, and to be passionate about living. I can change my future.

You are a beautiful soul. From whatever realm or dimension you now exist, I accept that you are free and loved. I accept your beauty. I love you.

There is no more to say.

This column is not intended to provide legal advice, consultation or representation to the reader; nor, is it intended to provide psychological or any other form of counseling. This publication reaches readers throughout the world and Constance d?Angelis is not licensed to practice law (except in one U.S. state) nor is she licensed to provide psychological counseling. Constance is not accepting legal clients and will only provide ?integrity coaching? upon agreement. The reader is advised to seek competent legal and/or psychological representation in the jurisdiction where he or she is located. Taking responsibility for personal challenges is an important concept in resolving conflict. Accordingly, by reading this column the reader is also agreeing that he/she has the ability to accept such personal responsibility and, further, agrees to be fully and wholly responsible for use of this column. Neither Constance d?Angelis nor Pathways Within is responsible or liable for the readers? use of this column. The reader accepts full responsibility for his/her use of this column and resolution of his/her conflicts.

(c) 2001-2007 Constance d'Angelis - All rights reserved.

About the Author:

Constance d’Angelis is an attorney, arbitrator, author, nationally certified and licensed massage therapist, Reiki Master, speaker, and workshop leader. Her avocation is vibrational healing.

Her workbook “Why am I in Conflict – Transforming Conflict into an Opportunity for Personal Development and Success” and CD which features Biosome Vibrational Musictm, special music woven around the tones of a crystal bowl (played by Constance) is now available.

“Why Am I in Conflict” is designed to assist you to:
(1) Strive for your Truth;
(2) Stay on your Integrity Path; and
(3) Avoid the destruction wreaked through greed, hate, revenge, or the abuse of power.

The series of CDs and workbooks is an integrated program using both mental and meditative techniques. It is an empowering process designed to focus you, the listener, toward a successful solution to conflict by dispelling confusion and creating clarity.

A lecture Constance gave at the Atlanta Health Expo “Loving Law: Success Through Integrity” – is also available on CD.

Constance d'Angelis is available for speaking engagements and workshops and you may contact her at www.LovingLawsuits.com or by e-mail at Lovinglawsuits@cs.com

Contacting the publication
Readers may send questions or comments to
Constance d’Angelis c/o PATHWAYS WITHIN


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  All material and perspectives are shared from the heart's of contributing authors. Pathways Within is pleased to provide this outlet for spiritual sharing and hope it provides a wonderful growing experience. The publication is designed and dedicated to the Growth and Opening of Spirit and it is our wish for this publication to remain open and free of censorship, fear and bias; therefore, the views and perspectives maybe broad in scope and wide or narrow in view so we encourage your personal discernment. Pathways Within does not endorse any individual, group, product or concept and all contributions remain the rights of the author. Remember you are the best teacher you will ever have so trust your heart and always follow your truth. For full disclaimer, copyright, and privacy policy, please click here.