Truth or Blame

Truth or Blame

About the Column:
This column is dedicated to facilitating resolution to conflicts – spiritual growth through adversity.  Conflict can be transformed into success by following your path of Integrity. Blame of oneself or others is a distraction to Integrity.  Integrity is the unwavering path to success.  

If you would like Constance to answer your question through this publication please send your inquiry to lovinglawsuits@cs.com  

This column is not intended to provide legal advice, consultation or representation to the reader; nor, is it intended to provide psychological or any other form of counseling.  This publication reaches readers throughout the world and Constance d’Angelis is not licensed to practice law (except in one U.S. state) nor is she licensed to provide psychological counseling.  Constance is not accepting legal clients and will only provide “integrity coaching” upon agreement.  The reader is advised to seek competent legal and/or psychological representation in the jurisdiction where he or she is located.  Taking responsibility for personal challenges is an important concept in resolving conflict.  Accordingly, by reading this column the reader is also agreeing that he/she has the ability to accept such personal responsibility and, further, agrees to be fully and wholly responsible for use of this column.  Neither Constance d’Angelis nor Pathways Within is responsible or liable for the readers’ use of this column.  The reader accepts full responsibility for his/her use of this column and resolution of his/her conflicts.  

Question:
Dear Constance,

After following the visualization in the last edition of Truth or Blame I felt fluttering and tightening in my stomach and shallow breathing (I felt stressed) with the thought that our tenant was 30 days late on his rent.  It looks like we have to sue, and the tenant is a real estate agent who knows the legal “ropes” better than we do.  I called the Clerk of Court and they said we had to file an action for possession and have it served.  I think the tenant may try to evade service and drag this out. 

I’m concerned about finances.  We have to make the mortgage payment whether we receive the rent money or not.  For the length of our marriage (21 years and 4 children), I have been the one who handled the money.  My husband spent money like a leaking sieve. Finally, I handed all the finances over to my husband, hoping he would learn how to be more responsible. You might say I’ve put the ball in his court.  Now, we have this problem.  It’s like we always seem to have these “financial” difficulties.  Any suggestions on how to cut through these problems?

C.F.,  Stockton, CA  

Reply:
Dear C.F.,

It is terrific that you experienced the power of your mind.  Your stress reaction to a “thought” could be hazardous to your health, if it continues.  Studies show that such stress reactions are linked to stomach ulcers and other gastric diseases.  You’ve recognized the connection between thoughts and feelings.  With this knowledge you can change your thoughts before you have to deal with resulting disease.   

Legal:

You’ve gained a good amount of “legal” knowledge in your research with the Court.  From a legal standpoint you could try to contact the tenant and negotiate his vacating the property.  Failing that, be sure you follow the specific “legal” rules because in landlord/tenant actions, the procedure becomes extremely important.  It’s necessary in order to have a judge grant you an eviction judgment.  Regarding your tenant trying to “evade service”: Generally, In Eviction legal actions, there is a provision for posting or otherwise serving papers where the tenant doesn’t answer the door or isn’t at the property when the process server arrives – if the tenant can’t be “personally served” with process.  You could check with a local lawyer, court clerk, process server (often private investigators), or sheriff of the county where the property is located. You may be able to complete this eviction quickly if you do your homework.  Or, you could hire a good lawyer- in the jurisdiction where the property is located - who can do it for you, represent you and provide you with legal advice.

Feelings & Thoughts:

With respect to the most important issue and reason for the reoccurrence of  financial problems – I sense an underlying feeling of blame and resentment with respect to your husband’s dealing with the family finances.  You and your husband have lived separate lives for the entirety of your marriage with respect to a very important part of your lives together – your money.  Now, you have “handed all the finances over”  - that is you have put the ball in his court – which sounds like a tennis competition.  A marriage is a partnership.  Partners work together to reach a goal or to create something.  A partnership does not have a loser and a winner.  Both partners win or lose equally. 

Distractions from Integrity:

Your feelings and thoughts of blame and resentment (probably shared by your husband) are distracting you from your Integrity path.  If you were to act in your

 Integrity you would join forces with the man you love.  You have a common enemy (your tenant). And, you have the opportunity to create a “team”.  This landlord/tenant situation is giving you the opportunity to work together – no longer competing or at odds with each other – A TEAM.  If you choose to create the union, the team, the partnership – you can defeat the enemy.  And, the enemy is not just the offending tenant.  The enemy is the distraction from your integrity (blame, resentment). You can win.  Intend your success. 

Intention:

I combine my energies with my partner. I dismiss all incoherent and discordant action.  I embrace the power of union in my life.  I am a powerful being and accept my power without reservation.  

With great love and respect...  

Constance 

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